Look at me, I'm Sandra Lee, Lousy with Divinity......

So I was in my kitchen doing a little cooking. Had the TV on Sandra Lee's Cooking Show,  Half-Assed Homemade? or something like that. I noticed she whisks instant pudding like a linebacker. She needs to work on her form. As much I don't appreciate seeing all of Giada's back teeth every time she smiles, at least she doesn't whisk like she's cleaning a gas station toilet.

Geez, Trying to put an Otter box back on my phone is like trying to put a snowsuit on Randy.

Cobwebs in their Attics

I like to watch Antique Roadshow. It always strikes me funny to see the people trying to keep their cool when they tell them "Your 1978 Tupperware lid by itself would likely fetch $5,000 dollars if put up for auction." They just sit there and go "0h my, isn't that's wonderful". Like they knew it all along.

Then they vow to never sell it because:
a) it's a family heirloom
b) it has sentimental value because their great aunt used to cover her famous potato salad with it , or c)if they ever find a bowl to match they'll be able to use it one day.
 "It's a perfectly good lid, you know. I could never part with it."

I learned how to tell if a person has a fake eye. A fake eye has 4 holes and a threaded X in the middle.

Smurfs

WTF Moment of The Day: Trying to explain cyanosis in reference to lips turning blue: But why do they turn blue? Due to lack of oxygen in the blood. But why do they turn blue? Due to lack of oxygen-rich blood circulating in the body. But why do they turn blue? Possibly due to blood loss. But why do they turn blue? Possibly due to oxygen supply being cut off, such as drowning or asphyxiation. But why do they turn BLUE? WTF? Because, the book says so Brainy Smurf! Geesh! Get out of my office.

Some women suffer from PMS, I suffer from PBS.

I don't know how to break the news to my husband that I meant to marry the writer, Shelby Foote. It was just that his gray hair, beard, and mustache threw me off. It was an easy mistake. Especially because my husband does narrate all goings-on in our household. I just wish he'd quit following me around showing me black and white photos of coal miners, soldiers, and hungry street children with distant stares. (Ok I'll quit updating my status while watching PBS). Btw PBS stands for 'plenty of black-n-white shows'.

I'm No Eienstein

So....I'm on vacation this week. Decided to hit the beach for a little R and R. Needed something to read so I pulled Walter Isaacson's book on Albert Einstein down. Sat on the beach at Presley's Lake in moss point, mississippy and read for several hours only to realize the dust jacket which bears his photo and name in big bold letters was on upside down. So much for worrying about looking pretentious in Mississippi.